Grief and Anger At God

As I grieve lately, I’ve noticed my anger at God has been minimal. After other deaths and deaths of dreams, I’ve raged at God, proclaiming by my attitude that I thought He was cruel and heartless.

Yes, I’ve expressed anger to God over the past few weeks, especially as I’ve cried out my whys. I’ve spent time insisting He explain Himself and His seeming lack of action and compassion as a death plan was being made and carried out. But in the midst of my bouts with anger, peace has suddenly come.

There’s a reason why anger at God hasn’t taken hold of me. It’s because I’m better at listening to Him than I’ve ever been. I think of the verse that says,

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19 NIV

I remember not long ago a radio show host said that verse applies especially to our relationship with God.

Too often in the past when dealing with grief, I’ve talked and talked to God, often angrily, without taking the time or effort to listen.  Also I babbled on and on letting anger at God grow–but as I backed away from Him–sometimes because I’d convinced myself He allowed bad things to happen because He was angry at me.

I’m discovering when I express anger at God–as I’m drawing close to Him—He helps me to deal with my anger. He soothes me with words which reach to the core of my soul. Lately He’s done this with songs he brings to mind like “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear…” or a Bible verse that takes on new meaning in the face of grief.  One such verse is Psalm 46:1.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

If I allow myself to wallow in anger at God, I don’t sense His help or His strength. But as I let go of anger and my demanding attitude, I sense myself in His loving arms. I remember that God is not my enemy during this trial of heart-wrenching suicide grief. He is my ally. He weeps with me. He feels not just for me, but with me. He knows my pain, and He wants to ease it.

The question is “Will I let Him?”

Will you?

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About elainecreasman

I am a freelance writer and inspirational speaker. Since 1986 I have led the Suncoast Christian Writers Group.
This entry was posted in Spiritual Growth and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Grief and Anger At God

  1. Debbie Nelis says:

    Thank you Elaine
    For sharing your grief, especially suicide grief. Many times families are ashamed of their loved who have taken their lifes. The family feels that they are not suppost to even talk about it, people are so uncomfortable with suicide death. It is a very hard subject, even the most well meaning people can say some of the most hurtful things without even knowing the damage that they have caused. I want to say be Gentle with one another, I think one of the best things you can say is “we love you, call if you want to talk, or the ability to just sit quietly say nothing and pray. One of the most comforting things that was said to me after Nicks death was “when the tears want to come let them! Nick was worth crying over.”
    God Bless You in all that you are doing
    “Forever Nicks’ mom”
    Debbie

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