Two evenings ago memories of wrongs recently done to me invaded my mind. Once again anger and hurt reared up. I wanted to move on, but it seemed impossible.
In the middle of the night this phrase came to mind and wouldn’t leave.
“Love… will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.”
In the morning, I thought, How could that be for my situation? And what about worse circumstances in peoples’ lives like abuse and rape? Are these people supposed to “hardly notice” and just keep on loving.
The thought of Jesus on the cross came to mind.
But still I found myself arguing with Scripture. Wait. That particular phrase was from the Living Bible, which is a paraphrase–not a translation.
So I went to the King James Version which said of love:
“It is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil (is not ready to suspect evil)”
I had assigned evil motives on those who had hurt me which I later realized weren’t there.
But still they had sinned against me—in a big way.
My NIV Bible said:
“It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs.”
I confessed I had been writing down what had been done to me in my journal.
Then I went to the Amplified Bible–the version I turn to again and again. It has been a reliable translation, and I trusted it. What I read obliterated my case for holding on to anger and hurt.
…it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
I read the full verse several times.
It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. 1 Corinthians 13:5 AMP
I was guilty. Pride led to my falling into anger, excessive hurt, over-reaacting. Even though I had been wronged and hurt, I hurt others by my reaction. And I violated my quest to love unconditionally. Instead of letting love lead, I had allowed anger and hurt to take over.
This truth hit me hard: whenever I start getting proud, thinking I’m better than others, God allows me to fall. This time I fell harder than I have in a long time. God lovingly–through His Word–is showing me where I went wrong.
My prayer is that I learn the lessons God has for me as He’s humbling me and showing me I still have a lot to learn about loving like Him.
This song by Brandon Heath, “Love Never Fails” reminded me this evening of truth about loving others.
Thank you, Elaine for sharing your struggle. I was convicted by your words and song.
Your writing is alway so clear and thought provoking; I now ask myself if some of the entries in my journal are more “wrongs done to me” insted of thanking the Father who trusted me with the hurt. The LOVE the song. Thank you