I have a confession.
I am too attached to food.
Although God has done much to set me free in this area ie delivering me from bulimia, setting me free from eating only junk food on any given day, ending the destructive behavior of consuming copious amounts of candy to the point of severe stomach pain, releasing me from hiding and hording food and much more, I’m not completely set free.
The truth is sometimes if I had to choose between being with people or food, I would choose food.
Worse, there have been occasions when I choose to be with food rather than with God.
Recently in a seminar I heard these statements:
“The problem is not overeating. It’s attachment issues. “
“In the absence of strong attachments and joy, we find sources of pseudojoy such as food.”
“We attach to the food and not the feeder if the attachment process goes wrong.”
“In seeking attachments there is joy or fear. We attach to the food instead of the fear if there is not a lot of joy in our attachments.”
These statements were from Ed Khouri from Equipping Hearts Ministry
What this man shared touched my heart since I knew I still had a problem with food. The issue seemed to be magnified since the trauma of my brother’s death by suicide. It seems I’ve regressed to my strong attachment to food which I had in childhood as I dealt with the trauma of not being able to form strong attachment to my parents. Instead I formed a bond to food. It brought joy which it seemed my relationship with my mother and father did not bring.
Even though my relationship with my parents has been healed, I can see that there still seems to be a child within me who goes back to the old ways of coping when hurts come.
The questions I have are, “How do I break this strong attachment to food?” “How do I instead form a stronger attachment to people and to God?” “How do I have sweet communion with the Lord instead of repeatedly turning to sweets?”
This is what I long for:
I shall be fully satisfied, when I awake [to find myself] beholding Your form [and having sweet communion with You]. Psalm 17:15 AMP
When I looked up the concept of attachment disorder online, I found this: “Adult attachment disorder is a term used to describe the emotional dysfunction of someone who cannot form intimate, caring bonds with others. The dysfunction may manifest itself as either a rejection of close relationships or a constant demand for them…”
Here are three ways to deal with this that come to mind:
- Fully grieve my past. Sometimes I think I’m finished doing this, but then new griefs come to the surface. I need to deal with them rather than ignore them.
- Determine to draw close—first to God and then to others. I need to ask God how to do this.
- Be open to healing moments.
My goal is to have a secure attachment to God and people and to completely break my unhealthy attachment to food. God wants to be my primary source of joy, and He wants me to experience a deep joy—instead of fear–in my relationships with people.
God, give me the grace to deeply and fully want what You want. Heal me of my “attachment disorder.”