Monthly Marriage Miracle Story: Who Gives In First?

Here is another Hearts Set Free Monthly Marriage Miracle Story. The story is true, but the names have been changed. I pray God will bless you with your own marriage miracle. Open your heart to all God has for you. And remember that often what He has follows obedience.

Here is another Hearts Set Free Monthly Marriage Miracle Story. The story is true, but the names have been changed. I pray God will bless you with your own marriage miracle. Open your heart to all God has for you. And remember that often what He has follows obedience.

Give me what I want, and then I’ll give you what you want. Too many spouses have this attitude. If both have it, this can lead to continued unmet needs, increasing unhappiness, and even divorce. Mary learned that meeting her husband’s need, even if her need wasn’t being met is the right thing to do.

Your issue may not be about romance and sex, but about other areas of need. Maybe he needs you to listen to him talk about his work day, and you want to communicate about your feelings.

Not everyone will have the quick or positive outcome Mary did, but blessings of some kind always follow the action of showing love first.

Maybe this story doesn’t apply to where you are in your marriage. Pass along to someone who may be going through the battle of “he/she is not meeting my needs.”

Who Gives In First?

Do you ever feel like you’d be nicer to your husband, if he deserved it—but he doesn’t?  I was feeling that way. 

All I wanted was a date night.  Once a month even.  It didn’t need to be elaborate; I just wanted him to plan something special.  The price tag didn’t matter either, but the effort did.  If my husband had picked some flowers out of a field and brought them to me tied up with love notes, it would have sufficed.  His effort would say “I’m thinking of you.” And I’d feel loved.  

I was not seeing the effort. But I was feeling his demands.  One frustrated evening Doug spouted, “You’re never available for sex.  You seem so uninterested, but it’s a real and legitimate need I’m having!”

“I’d feel a little more amorous if you’d take me out more than once a year,” I retorted. 

He shot back: “You’re such an exaggerator, and you are never satisfied.  We took a walk on the beach yesterday.  That was romantic.”

“It’s not romantic because you put no effort into planning it.  We just happened to be there.”  My cheeks grew hot “You want sex,” I fumed, “but you do nothing to create the mood.”

“You just don’t get it,” he muttered as he shut the door, shutting me out.

“YOU don’t get it.” I shouted through the door as tears began to sting my eyes. 

A dull ache swept through my chest. My brain told my heart: It’s hopeless.

When my friend suggested we do a women’s Bible study about sex, I sputtered incomprehensibly, “Why would I want to do that?! And a Bible study for women about sex just seems weird.” 

Undaunted, she explained that this study was about improving relationships and was highly recommended by people she respected.

I prayed about it, and felt a peace. We started the study.  I learned that sex is a gift that I had the power to give or withhold, and that it was God’s idea to bring oneness into a marriage.  I was encouraged to meet my husband’s needs. 

“Unfair!” said myself to me—especially because he’s not meeting my needs.  But I had to admit the stalemate wasn’t getting me anywhere.  It was time to grow up.

I forgave, and then I gave—passionately, whole-heartedly, with a desire to please him.  The next night I gave again, and even enjoyed it.  The next night he asked me where I’d like to go because he wanted to plan a special romantic date for me.  The next morning, he brought me flowers.

Had I waited for him to give me what I wanted before I gave him what he wanted, I could still be waiting. Or worse, by withholding I could have added more layers of hurt and rejection onto him, while his response would pile more hurt and rejection onto myself.  And all of it would have been so unnecessary. 

I was damaging our marriage because I wanted my needs to be met first.  When I finally gave up my “right to romance” and met his needs first, I gained the very thing I longed for.

A wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands (Proverbs 14:1).

About elainecreasman

I am a freelance writer and inspirational speaker. Since 1986 I have led the Suncoast Christian Writers Group.
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