Repost of Letting Go of Fear While Waiting For The Storm

Today I’m reposting a blog from two years ago—one I wrote as we awaited Hurricane Irma. Although other parts of Florida were hit hard, the outcome of Irma for us and for our area was that although there were many trees, fences, and power lines down, and so much debris, there was relatively little damage to homes, and the force of the winds was much less than what was first expected.

Now there is another hurricane looming: Dorian. Although the hurricane is not headed for the Tampa Bay area, there are still many in its path that are overcome by fear. I talked to someone on Florida’s east coast who at one point freaked out with fear, convinced that the hurricane would surely hit their home and destroy everything they owned. Now the hurricane has turned, and that individual has calmed some. Yet there are others in its current path who are battling immense fear as they hear that the storm is now heading their way.

Every time I think of hurricanes, I think of the storms that come into our lives. The bottom line is whether it’s a hurricane or the storm of a trial or trauma, God can still be trusted. He can and will calm us as we wait.


First posted on September 9, 2017

“Dreading the Worst.”

I read the newspaper headline as I jogged past a newspaper in our neighbors’ driveway.

Many people I encounter in recent days seem filled with dread.

“I’m so afraid,” a number of people said to me today.

What brings on this fear and dread?

Hurricane Irma looms to the south of us and threatens to bring forceful winds, lots of rain, and a storm surge.

I believe in preparation for such storms.

But I reject that fear should be our number one emotional response.

Instead of dreading the worst, I pray for the best possible outcome—for the least injury and loss of life and minimal damage to property.

As I focus on the Lord, He urges me not to join in with the fear and fretting going on around me.

One reason for this is the waiting and not knowing.

But isn’t much of life like that?

As I contemplate the choice of fear or faith in the times of approaching storms—even those with hurricane force winds–I know certain wonderful assets these impending storms like Irma can’t take from me.

Some which come quickly to mind are God’s peace, God’s presence, God’s love, my salvation, joy. Also, storms can’t negate the promises God offers to me from His Word.

Yet if I give in to fear, all of these items on my list can seem out of reach and unreal. I can feel alone and trapped in fear.

I realize one reason people give in to fear as they wait for a hurricane to arrive is they spend the day watching TV and see the winds tear through other areas. Those images loom large in their minds.

Yes, I want to know where the storm is and what to expect, but I don’t have to keep my eyes on the problem of the impending storm all day long.

I can focus on the Lord—my provider in the midst of storms—in the natural world and those storms which threaten my heart and soul.

I think of St Maarten where Irma brought devastating damage. Instead of allowing those images to torment my mind, I thought of how the island could be restored—again. On a cruise several years ago, I visited this island with my husband, and we really enjoyed our time there. We had a bus tour with a wonderful bus driver/ tour guide.

He told of a past hurricane which damaged so much on their island. But the wonderful news was they rebuilt it all and once again welcomed cruise ships and the tourists who provided their livelihood.

Today I prayed for that bus driver–that God would keep him strong and help him to grow in faith during this difficult time.

Yesterday I listened to the radio in my car as I ran errands. Uplifting songs lifted me above fearful thoughts of Irma.

One verse the DJ read reassured me: “He caused the storm to be still, So that the waves of the sea were hushed” (Psalm 107:29).  This verse reminded me my God looms so much larger than this or any storm.

At any moment with one word or with one breath, He could dissipate the storm. But for some reason, it seems He allows most to take their course.

But this I know: even when the storm rages around me, He can cause my soul to be still in the midst of the storm, and He can hush the waves inside of me which threaten to mess with me and my life.

The DJ encouraged listeners to continue to tune in throughout the time we waited for the storm to arrive and to let go of fear.

I like what He said at the end of his pep talk to Christians in Florida facing Irma’s arrival: “Let’s trust Him as we go through the storm together.”

That’s exactly what storms do—the hurricane kind and the kind which threaten to ravage our souls—they teach us to trust God.

As I wait for Irma to reach my town, that’s exactly what I’m determined to do—to let go of fear and trust the Lord.

This verse comes to mind: “What time I am afraid, I will have confidence in and put my trust and reliance in You” (Psalm 56:3 AMPC).

I pray for grace to keep obeying this life-changing directive.

I look forward to all the ways God will continue to assure me in the midst of this storm and others I will face in the future.

No matter what happens, He remains faithful.

My Anchor – Christy Nockels & Passion



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A Miracle Happened Today Repost

Today I received news via email of a miracle happening. I feel so excited, because I’ve been praying for this miracle for a long time. Anyone looking at the situation would say that it was impossible for the miracle to take place, but it did, because we have a miracle-working God. I want to get together with the person who related her miracle and get the details before I write about it.

So I’m reposting a blog about another miracle that happened in 2015. This one had slipped my mind until I typed in the word “miracle” in the search box on my blogsite. Today, I’m thanking God again for this miracle and all the others He has worked in my life. I confess that too often I keep my focus on what He hasn’t done yet instead of on the amazing blessings He brings to me on a regular basis.

Why not thank God today for a miracle He has worked in your life? I promise you that if you continue to walk close to Him, there are many more to come.

Note: I changed the song on this repost from Matthew West’s “Forgiveness” to “Miracle” by Unspoken.

A Miracle Happened Today

First posted on July 6, 2015

A miracle happened today.

When something this special takes place, a part of me doesn’t want to write about it because I can’t adequately put into words how extraordinary it is and how spectacular God is at answering prayer.

While sitting in church listening to a sermon about prodigals this morning, sadness welled up again in my heart for a special prodigal.

Then I saw a person across the church who had been rejecting of my prodigal while she was still walking with the Lord. Once again I realized bitterness had come back into my heart toward this person.

Not long ago at my women’s Bible study, we were encouraged to go to those we still felt bitterness toward and ask for forgiveness for holding on to it.

This person had come to mind, but how could I do this without making him feel bad? I thought. What happened was years ago.

So in church I decided to do what my Bible study teacher had taught us to do when we don’t know what to do. I asked the Father.

“God, how do I pray about this continued bitterness?” I wrote in my journal.

This is what the Lord laid on my heart:


After the service I ran into someone who knew my prodigal, and I poured out some of my grief which had been stirred by the sermon even though the good news was that God would welcome her back the minute she turned around.

But still her turning around seemed impossible. And so did what I’m about to write. I confess I’m still having a hard time believing what’s on the front of my present journal: “With God all things are possible (Matthew 10:26 NIV). Today’s incident is moving me closer to being convinced.

As I talked in the hallway outside the bookstore, the person I had prayed about in church was coming toward me. We rarely crossed paths in our big church, and most of the time we attended different services. Also, I don’t remember him ever coming toward me while I was standing still. If I was in motion in the past, I could just move past him with a quick “hello.” And OK, I’ll admit it, I tended to avoid him.

The thought came to mind, God told me not to go to him, but he’s coming to me. Or is God sending him?

I greeted him warmly and held out my hand and shook his. As I did, something began to melt inside of me.

“We were just talking about my prodigal,” I informed him and said her name. I shared a few details, and the incident from the past naturally came into the conversation. Somewhere in the midst, the other person hugged me goodbye and walked away. I stood face to face with “the rejecter,” and I told him I had felt bitter toward him about his rejecting actions. As I spoke the words, I suddenly saw things from his viewpoint, and I had compassion for him. I repented before him about my bitterness and my placing some blame on him for my prodigal’s rejecting God.

I could not believe my boldness.

In the past I felt this person cared nothing about my loved one, but in the conversation I heard caring and compassion. He complimented my prodigal for the strengths he had seen in her.

In those few minutes together, God had begun to complete the healing in my heart. Yes, I believe He still wants me to write about it for a magazine to help others’ hearts to be healed, and for my healing to be utterly completed, but I felt free and refreshed.

And as this person walked away, he said, “Please give me her email address, and I will write to her.”

I wanted to cry.

Way back when after “the rejection,” I had asked him to please write to her to make things right between them, and he had refused.

As I rejoiced over what God did, I thought of what my husband and I had talked about earlier today–about the difference between watching church on the computer and going to church.

“If you don’t go to church, you miss the interactions with the people there,” I insisted, even though I often felt tempted after being hurt repeatedly in church circles to just become a cyber worshiper.

But if I had, I would have missed today’s miracle.

God is so good. And prayer does work—miracles.

“Miracle” by Unspoken


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Mistakes and God’s Mercy

Recently, I heard an interview on The Joy FM radio station featuring Chad Mattson, lead singer of one of my favorite Christian singing groups, Unspoken.

He talked about the fact that he continues to make mistakes in his life.

As I listened to the interview, I realized I still held on to a delusion in my Christian walk.

A part of me believes there will come a time when I will no longer make mistakes, sin, fall, or fall short or what God wanted me to do. Some days I act like that time is already here.

I thought of Chad and his testimony of being delivered from drug addiction a number of years ago. Since he’s such an excellent singer and songwriter and has ministered to so many people around the world, I wanted to believe he had it all together—that he no longer blew it, like I still do too often.

In this interview, he set me straight, and he introduced me to a song he wrote on the subject of continuing to make mistakes as a Christian and having to rely on God’s mercy.

As I ponder this subject, I realize I want to believe that Christian maturity is about no longer sinning, but the truth is maturity is evidenced by admitting wrong and making things right as soon as possible. As my Bible study teacher has said again and again, “Don’t be wrong long.”

I confess sometimes I want to defend my rebellious ways and call the wrong attitudes and actions I get caught up in something else.

Not long ago, I made a series of mistakes in a day. I let fear enter in and worry take over. This led to feeling depressed and immobilized. Because of this, I lashed out at a loved one. I traced the whole series of mistakes—sins—back to believing a lie of the enemy that a young person I was praying for and trying to mentor would never get a job because of some errors in her life in recent days.

Instead of believing God’s promises, I believed the enemy’s lie.

Instead of taking thoughts captive and bringing them to Jesus Christ, I ran to the overthinking/wrong thinking cave in my mind with them.

Instead of praying and seeking God and His counsel on the subject causing fear, I let negative thoughts wrap themselves around me until I could hardly breathe. Then I tried to infect someone else with negative thinking.

What a mistake all of this was. It led to a ruined morning and a fight with a loved one.

Finally, as I sought the Lord, He revealed truth to me. He reminded me it didn’t matter what I thought. What mattered was what He said and what He could and would do.

I’m so glad I had the opportunity to listen to that interview on the radio. This fellow Christian reminded me the value of maintaining a humble attitude and admitting, “I’m not perfect; I still sin, and I have to cling to God’s mercy to make it through life.”

I realize as I look back on the incident from days ago, the turnaround came when I began to confess my sin out loud to my loved one. “I’m giving in to fear,” “I tell others not to worry, but now I’m caught in that trap,” and “I’m not believing God.”

It’s only as I admit sin—my mistakes—that mercy flows. If I rationalize, minimize, or make excuses for my sins, it sets up a wall to block out God’s mercy.

I’m reminded of the two men praying in the story in Luke 18:9-14.

One thought he was a mature believer and was incapable of sinning. He prayed, “God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even this tax collector” (verse 11).

I confess I’ve had this attitude before. Instead of admitting my own sins, I look at the wrongs of others and try to convince myself I’m better.

Next, the tax collector had the chance to pray. He said, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner” (verse 13)

Now I know for certain that there will never come a day when I will be immune from having the need to utter those words.

I praise God my mistakes aren’t deadly. They don’t keep God’s love or grace out. They don’t keep me from being used, and God can even use my mistakes for His glory.

Thank You, Chad, for making these truths clear to me by the words you spoke and the ones you sing.

“Mistakes” by Unspoken

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The Weapon of Worship

“Life isn’t a playground; it’s a battleground.”

I remember hearing that saying from various pastors over the years.

Lately, at times I feel in the thick of the battle against the enemy of my soul. He tempts me to give in to depression, defeat, and at times despondency over certain areas of my life not going the way I had planned.

When facing traumatic trials, I feel myself fighting off a sense of panic.

That’s how I felt not long ago when I attended my weekly Bible study. Other members of the group were also going through difficult situations, and we spent time encouraging one another with songs that brought truth and encouragement.

One of those songs was, “I Raise A Hallelujah.”

As I listened and sang the song, I realized that even though I go through battles, God has given me the weapons to fight.

This is what the Word tells me about those weapons: “For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds,” (2 Corinthians 10:4 AMPC)

One of those weapons is worship. So many times, I feel I have a choice to make: to worry or to worship.

When I worry, I give in to, “Woe-is-me;-this-is-a-terrible-situation,-which- is-only-going- to-get-worse” thinking.

Then my mind imagines all the worst case outcomes of the situation.

When I worship, I give the situation to the Lord. I’m able to see it from His perspective. I’m reminded every bad situation which has happened in my life God brought good out of as I submitted to Him. I’m able to stop listening to my negative thoughts and return to listening to God’s Word and His powerful promises.

That’s what happened as I fully engaged with the song “I Raise A Hallelujah.” Although my circumstance had not changed, my attitude toward it did. I sensed myself winning the battle.

Once again I was able to see that even though certain situations I face seem bad, there is one truth that prevails: God is good.

As I basked that morning in His goodness and how He uses trials to draw me to Himself and teach me important truths, I felt overwhelmed by how much He loves and cares for me.

Yesterday, as I listened to the radio two Christian speakers–a man and a woman–were discussing marriage. The man said a quote, which I believe he had heard elsewhere, which really spoke to me.

“God does not give faith for marriage; He gives us marriage for faith.”

Yes, He has certainly done that in my marriage–used it to help me grow in faith.

I could see that truth also applied to other circumstances in my life. In my latest trials, it seemed God did not give me faith for those trials, but He gave me the trials to help me grow in faith. And I do see that happening. As I reflect on trials that are past, I can see that I would not have the closeness to God or as strong a faith walk as I do without them.

Today, I’m thanking God once again for the trails He has brought my way and how He is using them to transform me. Yes, it hurts sometimes, and I get wounded in the battle, but in the end, I know I will be victorious as I continue to “…raise a hallelujah.”

“I Raise A Hallelujah”

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Draw Near and Just Be Held

Yesterday, on Good Friday, as I listened to the radio in my car, a song came on by Casting Crowns. The title is “Just Be Held.”

When I first heard that song, I cried. (I wrote about that in a previous blog on August 30, 2015.) So often in my life, I wanted to be held, but it seemed there was no one there—at least no one human—who understood my pain and grief or who cared about me deeply enough to hold me.

At times the people in my life have seemed incapable of holding me because they had their own grief and sorrow. Sometimes that grief and sorrow caused them to think I was the enemy because of twisted thinking and attacks from the true enemy of their souls.

Once again I was reminded of the good news of this song: God is always available to hold me.

But then the thought of Jesus on the cross came. I thought of Him holding people before He went to the cross. He held Mary and Martha as they grieved the death of their brother, Lazarus, before Jesus raised Him from the dead. He held the little children who came to Him. I imagined He held Peter when He talked to Him after Peter denied Him three times. I know there were scores of other times He held people that are not recorded in Scripture.

In my mind, I saw Jesus on the cross with His arms held far apart. How could He hold anyone then? My next thought was that because of what happened on the cross, and His holding or carrying all my sins there, this opened the door to my feeling held by Him.

I also thought that even on the cross He held people—maybe not literally, but figuratively–with the kind words He said to them. To those crucifying Him, He held them tenderly when He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34. And to the criminal next to Him, He held him when He said, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” Luke 23:43 NIV

I also thought of Jesus and the words He cried out to the Father, “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46. Was that the only time in all of Jesus’ existence that He did not sense being held by the Father? No wonder it hurt so much, and He felt forsaken.

Today, I am celebrating that at any given moment of the day, I can sense being held by my Savior. Over the years He has made up for the times as a child and as an adult where I longed to be held, and there were no human arms to wrap themselves around me and comfort me and speak tender words to my soul. He has healed the hurt of the times when only angry words came from those in my circle, and instead of drawing me close to be held, they pushed me away.

Today I’m also thinking about all those who long to be held and have no one. I think of the mentally ill that I work with. Often, I feel led to hug them and think, “When was the last time this person was hugged or held?” So many tell me that those in their lives have rejected them because of mental illness. But the good news for them is that God will never reject them. He wants to hold them and even heal them.

As I studied the art work I found today of Jesus holding the lamb on His shoulders, I thought of the Scripture verse that talks about Jesus leaving the 99 to look for the lost sheep. (See Matthew 18:12-14) When He found the sheep, He held him. He didn’t want him to wander off again.

The amazing part of being held by Jesus is that because of His infinite nature, we can all be held by Him at the same time and yet feel like the only one.

Many people—even Christians—tell me that they never have had the sense of being held by God. This song by Casting Crowns sends out the invitation to “Just Be Held.” I’ve learned I need to move closer to God for this to happen. I need to remove the obstacles that are in the way such as believing the lie, “I’m not worthy,” or “I’m not good enough.” I need to have faith to “come near to God,” so He can “come near” to me and hold me and comfort me. (See James 4:8)

Too many times in hard times, I draw away from God. But as I’ve learned to draw near and allow Him to hold me, my life has been transformed. I realize at this moment that one of the times I feel held by God is when I read His Word and know that His precious promises there apply to me, and when I see how they have come to pass in my life.

Today, because of the present hard issues in my life, I choose to be held by God. I choose to close my eyes and imagine His arms around me. And when a person holds me, I choose to believe He sent that person. What joy there is in being held by the Lord.

How about you? When was the last time you felt yourself being held by the Lord? Will this be the day that for the first time or the first time in a long time that you choose to just be held? Let go and let it happen. Joy will follow.

I pray for each and every one of you a joyful Easter day, celebrating that Jesus is risen from the dead and because of that we can be held by Him and spend eternity with Him.

If you don’t know Jesus as Savior, click this link to read about how I came to salvation:

“Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns


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Repost of “Never Alone #2–Never Alone In Our Pain

Recently, I felt alone because of a trial I’m facing—one that could possibly last for years and even until the end of my life. This trial seems to be one that’s hard to talk about—one that unless you have dealt with it yourself would be hard to understand.

Then I rediscovered a blog I wrote in the past and realized I wasn’t alone—that God had brought people into my life who understood and gave support during trials in the past, and that if I was honest with myself He was doing it again. Also, I had His support through this current trial—even if my heart told me that I was alone.

Today’ I’m reposting the blog which lifted my spirits and reminded me I am never alone—no matter what trial I’m facing. I have changed the song I had with this blog to one I heard recently that cheers me up each time I hear it.

Repost of Never Alone #2–Never Alone in Our Pain 

First posted on March 26, 2016

On Thursday evening I was watching American Idol when what I heard surprised me.

The singer/songwriter, Sia, who was helping Dalton, one of the contestants, asked a question she already knew the answer to, “You’re bipolar?”

Then she said, “So am I.”

That moment touched me so much.

Here were two people being honest about the adversity in their lives. Sia was communicating to this young man, “You are not alone. I know what you’re going through.” Their being honest helped thousands perhaps even millions of viewers who shared their struggle with mental illness.

Today as I was thinking about what happened on TV Thursday evening, I was reminded that’s one reason I write personal experience articles and blogs, being more transparent than I ever thought I could be—so others won’t feel so alone in their pain and suffering.

Over the years God has urged me to be honest about my struggles, my sins, my searching for answers. But it started with reading from fellow Christians who shared their traumas—people like Corrie ten Boom and Joni Eareckson Tada and so many others.

When I first started reading such books, I wondered why I felt so lifted up by hearing of the hardships of others. The answer is this: I no longer felt alone.

Years ago my husband and I were dealing with a serious, possibly relationship-destroying problem in our marriage. At the time it was one of those issues few people talked about. Then one day I turned on the radio and a woman described that she was going through the same thing I was. I wanted to find out who she was and go and hug her. She knew how I felt when I couldn’t get my husband to understand. I wasn’t alone.

Often when I’m going through yet another hardship in my life, I can whisper to myself, “I feel so alone.” Then I’m reminded that I’m not. “Resist him, (the devil) standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5:9 NIV

Some days when I’m suffering, I can feel that God is not near. But the truth is that when I’m going through a really hard time, He longs to be closer than ever. Yet I sometimes choose to back away from Him. I forget that He understands my afflictions. He has been through torments of His own.

The other day I read this verse about Jesus being depressed before facing the cross: “He began to show grief and distress of mind and was deeply depressed.” Matthew 26:37 AMPC

Too many time I’ve believed the lie that says I’m alone when I sin. I am not. Even though Jesus didn’t sin, He sympathizes with my weaknesses.

“For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and ympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning.” Hebrews 4:15

Jesus understands me and my weaknesses better than anyone ever could. And He does not abandon me when I fall. He wants to help me up and show me how to get back on the right track. My problem is that I slip into self-sufficiency thinking I’m the one who’s going to do that.

Today I’m thanking God for all the people He has brought into my life who suffer in similar ways and for His being there for me in the midst of my suffering even when my distress is brought on by my own sin.

Today in the midst of battling that feeling alone in my suffering, I choose to cry out to Jesus. He will encourages me in ways that are beyond what I can imagine. And He sends “someone with skin on” who knows how I feel and can encourage me as well. I refuse to resist these cures for my feeling alone.

Celebrate along with me today that we are never alone in our pain.

“Even Then” by Micah Tyler

In case you want to hear about Dalton’s struggle with bipolar, check out the following link. Please pray for him and other young people who battle mental illness.


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Attachment Disorder Revisited

Recently, a friend told me about her trouble with attachments to people because of being in an orphanage for the early years of her life without much human touch or affection. Instead of attaching to people in her life, she attached to things of this world—like cigarettes.

Several days later when I was at a prayer meeting, and we were taking time to “get right with God,” He spoke these words to me: “You are attached to food and to the television.”

I realized these attachments were getting in the way of attaching to the Lord and to other people. I developed these two attachments as a child because I had not formed a strong attachment to my parents, who had eight children and emotional issues. Food and television were where I went to receive comfort when chaos was breaking out in our home. Back then, I went to church every Sunday, but I felt God was not there for me either. Otherwise, He would have stopped all that was going on. I wasn’t saved until I was an adult.

In my present life, even though I have God as my Savior, I knew at that moment in the prayer meeting that I still tend to go back to my former attachments when circumstances became difficult in my life, especially during those times it seems God refuses to answer my prayers. Now was one of those times, I realized, as I agreed with the Lord that I was too attached to TV and food.

Then God said this: “You think if you let go of these, you will have less, but the truth is you will have more—of Me and from Me.”

At that moment, I repented of backing away from the Lord, of often turning to food and TV for comfort during my latest difficult circumstance because it seemed God refused to intervene. I knew, also, that I wanted Him to change the circumstance, but He seemed to want to do something else—change me, as well as give me all I needed to face this trial, such as comfort, guidance, affection, and love.

Today, I remembered I had written a blog about attachments years ago. I read it again, and it helped me. I saw that when various deep griefs come to my life, I tend not to turn to God or I give up on turning to Him, and revert to turning to these other attachments.

I wrote the previous blog as I was dealing with the suicide death of my brother. The anniversary of his death is in two days. He died seven years ago on February 28th.

I pray today and in the days ahead that my attachment to God will grow stronger and deeper, and that the things of this world will no longer have a hold on me. I pray the same for my friend.

Here is that blog from 2013 with two songs added at the end.

ATTACHMENTS  First Posted on May 17, 2013

I have a confession.

I am too attached to food.

Although God has done much to set me free in this area  ie delivering me from bulimia, setting me free from eating only junk food on any given day, ending the destructive behavior of consuming copious amounts of candy to the point of severe stomach pain, releasing me from hiding and hording food and much more, I’m not completely set free.

The truth is sometimes if I had to choose between being with people or food, I would choose food.

Worse, there have been occasions when I choose to be with food rather than with God.

Recently in a seminar I heard these statements:

“The problem is not overeating. It’s attachment issues. “

“In the absence of strong attachments and joy, we find sources of pseudojoy such as food.”

“We attach to the food and not the feeder if the attachment process goes wrong.”

“In seeking attachments there is joy or fear. We attach to the food instead of the fear if there is not a lot of joy in our attachments.”

These statements were from Ed Khouri  from Equipping Hearts Ministry

What this man shared  touched my heart since I knew I still had a problem with food. The issue seemed to be magnified since the trauma of my brother’s death by suicide last year. It seems I’ve regressed to my strong attachment to food which I had in childhood as I dealt with the trauma of not being able to form strong attachment to my parents. Instead I formed a bond to food. It brought joy which it seemed my relationship with my mother and father did not bring.

Even though my relationship with my parents has been healed, I can see that there still seems to be a child within me who goes back to the old ways of coping when hurts come.

The questions I have are, “How do I break this strong attachment to food?” “How do I instead form a stronger attachment to people and to God?” “How do I have sweet communion with the Lord instead of repeatedly turning to sweets?”

This is what I long for:

I shall be fully satisfied, when I awake [to find myself] beholding Your form [and having sweet communion with You]. Psalm 17:15 AMP

When I looked up the concept of attachment disorder online, I found this: “Adult attachment disorder is a term used to describe the emotional dysfunction of someone who cannot form intimate, caring bonds with others. The dysfunction may manifest itself as either a rejection of close relationships or a constant demand for them…”

Here are three ways to deal with this that come to mind:

  1. Fully grieve my past. Sometimes I think I’m finished doing this, but then new griefs come to the surface. I need to deal with them rather than ignore them.
  2. Determine to draw close—first to God and then to others. I need to ask God how to do this.
  3. Be open to healing moments.

My goal is to have a secure attachment to God and people and to completely break my unhealthy attachment to food. God wants to be my primary source of joy, and He wants me to experience a deep joy—instead of fear–in my relationships with people.

God, give me the grace to deeply and fully want what You want.  Heal me of my “attachment disorder.”

“Control” by Tenth Avenue North

“Who You Say I Am” by Hillsong Worship


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