Guest Blog by Beth Willis Miller

Today I have a guest blog from Beth Willis Miller. She once wrote: “I relate everything in my life to my adoption.” She has a heart to help those dealing with issues surrounding adoption and has cowritten a book with Sherrie Eldridge titled, Under His Wings…Truths to Heal, Adopted, Orphaned, and Waiting Children’s Hearts.   

Guest Blog–How I Came To Be—Expect a Mystery By Beth Willis Miller

I met my birthmother, Lydia, in 1983, when I was 30 years old, and Lydia was 72. Lydia explained to me the circumstances of my conception, birth, and adoption.

During a Memorial Day holiday get-away weekend with a gentleman in 1952, Lydia, at age 41, became pregnant with me. When she realized she was pregnant, she told the gentleman with whom she had spent the weekend, and he was unwilling to help her. Her mother, Vincenza, did not want her daughter, a single mother at age 41, to disgrace her family with an illegitimate child, so Lydia left Chicago to live with a relative in Miami, Florida.

In October, around the time of Columbus Day, she went to a back-alley abortionist to abort me, but when the abortionist examined her and realized she was over four months pregnant, he told her the abortion might kill her, and he refused to do it. Lydia made arrangements with the Salvation Army hospital in Jacksonville to give me up for adoption. On Friday the 13th she gave birth to me, and signed the papers giving me up for adoption on Valentine’s Day 1953. I was adopted on Easter weekend 1953 by loving Christian parents.

I grew up in church, active in Sunday School and missions organizations. I prayed to receive Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior at the age of 10, and was baptized by immersion following my salvation.

I believe there are no “accidents” and every conception and every birth is part of God’s Sovereign Plan. I rest and find comfort in these life verses:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11) 

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” (Psalm 139:13-16)

I believe God planned who my birth parents would be and who my Mom and Dad would be, and both influences, plus His, are needed to help me become all that He created me to be. I believe that God sees the end from the beginning. He knows me intimately, He knit me together in my mother’s womb, one day I will see Him face-to-face and I will know as I am known…until then, I will expect a mystery.

I practice words like, “I don’t know,” “I will trust,” “I can’t explain,” “I release it all,” because God is sovereign. He is the beginning, He will be the ending, and in between, by His grace, He lets us be part of His perfect plan, for His glory and for our good. In the meantime, I will expect a mystery.

To read Beth’s complete “How I Came To Be…” story, click on this link:

 http://bethwillismiller.blogspot.com/2009/10/conceived-on-memorial-day-almost.html

You can listen to my interview with Beth Willis Miller on Saturday, May 25, 2012 on my radio show, “Hearts Set Free with Elaine” @ 8:00am EST. Go to www.wtis1110.com and press “Listen Live.” Or you can go to the archives on my radio station website by clicking on “shows,” and then “Hearts Set Free.” The archives are on the bottom right of the page.   

 

Attachments

I have a confession.

I am too attached to food.

Although God has done much to set me free in this area  ie delivering me from bulimia, setting me free from eating only junk food on any given day, ending the destructive behavior of consuming copious amounts of candy to the point of severe stomach pain, releasing me from hiding and hording food and much more, I’m not completely set free.

The truth is sometimes if I had to choose between being with people or food, I would choose food.

Worse, there have been occasions when I choose to be with food rather than with God.  

Recently in a seminar I heard these statements: 

“The problem is not overeating. It’s attachment issues. “

“In the absence of strong attachments and joy, we find sources of pseudojoy such as food.”

“We attach to the food and not the feeder if the attachment process goes wrong.” 

“In seeking attachments there is joy or fear. We attach to the food instead of the fear if there is not a lot of joy in our attachments.”

These statements were from Ed Khouri  from Equipping Hearts Ministry

What this man shared  touched my heart since I knew I still had a problem with food. The issue seemed to be magnified since the trauma of my brother’s death by suicide. It seems I’ve regressed to my strong attachment to food which I had in childhood as I dealt with the trauma of not being able to form strong attachment to my parents. Instead I formed a bond to food. It brought joy which it seemed my relationship with my mother and father did not bring.

Even though my relationship with my parents has been healed, I can see that there still seems to be a child within me who goes back to the old ways of coping when hurts come.

The questions I have are, “How do I break this strong attachment to food?” “How do I instead form a stronger attachment to people and to God?” “How do I have sweet communion with the Lord instead of repeatedly turning to sweets?”

This is what I long for:  

I shall be fully satisfied, when I awake [to find myself] beholding Your form [and having sweet communion with You]. Psalm 17:15 AMP

When I looked up the concept of attachment disorder online, I found this: “Adult attachment disorder is a term used to describe the emotional dysfunction of someone who cannot form intimate, caring bonds with others. The dysfunction may manifest itself as either a rejection of close relationships or a constant demand for them…”

Here are three ways to deal with this that come to mind:

1. Fully grieve my past. Sometimes I think I’m finished doing this, but then new griefs come to the surface. I need to deal with them rather than ignore them.  
2. Determine to draw close—first to God and then to others. I need to ask God how to do this.  
3. Be open to healing moments.

My goal is to have a secure attachment to God and people and to completely break my unhealthy attachment to food. God wants to be my primary source of joy, and He wants me to experience a deep joy—instead of fear–in my relationships with people. 

God, give me the grace to deeply and fully want what You want.  Heal me of my “attachment disorder.”

To hear more about “Attachments,” listen to my radio show “Hearts Set Free” on Saturday, May 19 2013 at 8:00am EST. Go to www.wtis1110.com and press “Listen live.” To listen to the show in the archives, go to www.wtis1110.com and press “shows.” Scroll down to hearts set free and click. Go to the bottom right of the page to find the archives.

The Mother Love of God

“I hate my mother,” the woman said angrily, “I wish she were dead.”

This is the response I got when I asked someone recently if she would be spending Mother’s Day with her mom. She told me of her mother’s controlling ways and other offenses that she saw as unforgivable.

“I don’t ever want to see her again,” she insisted.

Bitterness erupted not long ago from a man I know when the subject of mothers came up after he heard of the kindness of another mom.

“My mother would never have done that,” he said angrily. Even though his mother has been dead for a number of years, the pain of being rejected by her still cuts him like a knife.

My mother is generous and loving, even though I sometimes felt rejected because of having to compete with seven siblings for her attention in my growing-up years. We are close now and enjoy spending one-on-one time together.

And as I’ve been thinking of those who had mothers who hurt them deeply rather than cherishing them, what comes to mind is the mother love of God.  

Just as God’s father love can fill in all the gaps of the love our fathers tried to give but couldn’t or for those with absent fathers, so the mother love of God can heal those who did not receive nurturing from their mothers.

Scripture speaks of this kind of love. Here is one of many such verses:

 How precious is Your steadfast love, O God! The children of men take refuge and put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. Psalm 36:7

From a piece called “Under God’s Wings” written in 1912, J. R. Miller states about this verse: “Some of the most expressive illustrations of the divine love and care employed in the Bible are taken from the way of birds. For example, this beautiful figure of a bird sheltering her young under her wings, runs through all the Scriptures, as a picture of God’s sheltering love. This is such a tender picture. It is the mother bird that keeps her birds under her wings to protect them.”  

My heart goes out to those who are hungry for a mother’s love.  

One truth that I discovered along the way is that the reason our parent–whether mother or father– couldn’t love us is because they did not have their love needs met.

So as you are asking God to love you like a mother, pray your mother will  experience the same.  

Maybe your mother didn’t hold you as a child or speak tenderly to you. God will do that—even now.

Instead of spending all day on Mother’s Day mourning that your mother let you down or wouldn’t let you in, celebrate that we have a God who loves us as if He were our mother.

To hear more about the “Mother Love of God” listen to my radio show “Hearts Set Free with Elaine” at 8:00am on Saturday, May 11, 2013. Go to www.wtis1110.com and press “Listen Live.” Or you can press shows, scroll down to my show, go to my website and listen to the show on the archives.

 

Victim or Victor?

Recently I watched a simulcast at a friend’s house on the subject of overcoming trauma. God is showing me once again how important it is to deal with negative effects of hurts from the past in order to be set free. I had not connected it with the idea of trauma. Three of the enemy’s goals in relation to traumas has been to keep me stuck in morbid introspection, unforgiveness, and isolation.

Instead of living the role of victor in Christ, the enemy wants me to play the part of victim. For too long I did just that. My attitude was “poor me,” and “let me tell you about what people have done to me and/or are doing to me to make my life miserable.” There was little time left to tell others about Jesus. As a victim, I didn’t allow God to work His healing in me the way He longed to. My victim role was based in pride, and God promises that He resists the proud. (See James 4:6)

I was reminded at this seminar that God not only wants us to be Christians, He wants us to be victorious Christians. What kind of witness am I to others if I define myself not by who I am in Christ but by my traumas–not by what God did for me, but what was done to me?

In her book, Named by God; Overcoming Your Past Kasey Van Norman, who went through the traumas of her parent’s divorce and being raped as a teen, writes: “For us to truly experience a life worth living, we must take responsibility, not for what has been done to us, but for our reaction to what has been done to us. As long as I focused on what had been done to me, I could never see clearly enough to discover what God wanted to do within me.”

PTSD is a real thing, but God can set us free—even from that. If you have used Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a reason to disobey God and be swallowed up by fear and unbelief, I urge you to let Him heal you. Then when people see how free you are, they will ask, “Didn’t you say you have PTSD?” and you can respond, “I do have PTSD—that is Post Traumatic Supernatural Deliverance.

Even though Paul experienced the trauma of prison, he didn’t give in to self-pity or see himself as a victim. That’s why he could say from his prison cell in Philippians 4:4:

Rejoice in the LORD always. I will say it again: Rejoice! (NIV 1984)

and

…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances (Philippians 4:11).

He saw traumatic events as opportunities to glorify God—to be victorious. He had a heavenly perspective on hellish circumstances, which was how Jesus faced the trauma of the cross.  

I love what Paul wrote about being victors in 2 Corinthians 2:14:

But thanks be to God, Who in Christ always lead us in triumph [as trophies of Christ’s victory] and through us spreads and makes evident the fragrance of the knowledge of God everywhere. AMP

I choose to be a trophy of Christ’s victory rather than a victim. When I embrace that role, I can point others to Jesus and sense His power and presence all around me.

How about you? Do you hold to the role of victim—staying focused on what others have done to you rather than on what God has done for you? Open your heart to God’s healing and ask Him to reveal how to move from the role of victim to victor. He will gladly show you the way.

To hear more about the subject of Victim or Victor listen to my radio show “Hearts Set Free with Elaine” at 8:00am. EST on Saturday, May 4, 2013. Go to www.wtis1110.com and press listen live. Or go to the archives on my page on that site and listen anytime.

 

Seeking Him

Recently I met a man who seemed hungry for God. He spoke excitedly about verses he was reading in the Bible. We discussed troubles he had experienced because of bad choices. I felt happy that he saw his need of God. Often I feel sadness over people who see no need for the Lord and make minimal attempts to seek Him. Many I know and deeply love have their hearts set on self-sufficiency. Even though this young man was seeking God, I saw he was holding back. Drugs and alcohol had done much damage in his life–prison time, problems in relationships, and mental health issues. I talked to him about a willingness to let go of alcohol and drugs. His response was, “Drugs, sure, but some alcohol won’t hurt.” There were other areas of his life where he didn’t seem to care about doing things God’s way.  I’ve been in that place many times where I say I’m seeking God, but I don’t want to as gamblers say “go all in.” I want to stay in charge, and tell God how it’s going to be.” I can be seeking God, but I’m mostly seeking what I can get from Him–not what I can give to Him. What He wants is all of me. And He wants me to know Him, love Him and serve Him. In genuine seeking, I need to set aside my wants and desires and ask, “God, what do You require and desire from me?” Even though I received Christ as my Savior years ago after seeking answers for my life which led to Him, the seeking continues. Seeking God is something I will do for the rest of my life.    As I face trials, I’ve discovered I can choose to be a seeker or a sulker. To sulk means “to be silent and bad-tempered out of annoyance or disappointment; to pout.” When I choose to sulk instead of seek I have an attitude of, “I don’t deserve this. This is so unfair. Why is this happening to me?” But what sets my heart right despite circumstances continuing to seem wrong is  seeking God and asking, “What do You have to say?” and “What do You want me to do?”    I had the opportunity to pray with this “hungry” man I met recently. Part of the prayer was that he would continue to seek God and that he would invite Him into his heart and live for Him. He did not comprehend the concept of Jesus as Savior and letting Jesus live in him and through him, so I also prayed for understanding.    After meeting this man, I looked in the Bible for the word “seek.” I saw that the verses where the word appeared, there was always a promise. Here is one “seek” promise that encourages me. But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6 NKJV One way to make God happy is to seek Him wholeheartedly.    What about you? Are you seeking God—as your Savior and/or to intervene in the trials of your life and get yourself right with Him? Seeking God with your whole heart leads to good for You and glory for Him.      To hear more about Seeking In, tune in to my radio show “Hearts Set Free with Elaine” on Saturday, April 27, 2013 at 8:00am. Listen on the radio at AM1110 WTIS or go to www.wtis1110.com and press “Listen Live.” You can also listen to the show anytime in the archives by pressing shows, hearts set free and then going to the bottom right of my page and finding the show. God bless you and you seek Him.

Encouragers Along the Way

“You can do it,” shouted a woman standing along the trail, “You’re awesome.”

 “Keep going; you’re doing great,” yelled a young man who stood directing us runners as to which way to go. He clapped his hands enthusiastically.

 All throughout the course which wound through two local parks and a neighborhood, there were volunteers whose job was to make sure the racers were following the trail. How wonderful it was that they also cheered and shouted words of encouragement.  

 When I was within a half mile of the finish line of the 5K race, these volunteers along the sidelines shouted, “You’re almost there. You can make it.”

 Then as I neared the finish line, I heard an announcer with a microphone shout out my number, “Here comes number 15. Look at that finish. Wow, you are still going strong. Finishing well is important.” This caused me to picked up my pace at the end, despite various pains in my body.

 I’ve run in other races over the years. But I’ve never run in a race where I received so much encouragement. It truly made a difference to hear those words urging me on and praising me for my efforts.

My goal was to run the entire course without stopping to walk. Even though I said over and over in my mind,

I can do all things through him who strengthens me, (Philippians 4:13 ESV)

hearing voices around me urging me on also helped me to persevere.

And I met my goal. I ran the entire race even keeping up with my daughter until we reached the two mile marker. I finished in a time that was below what I’ve ever done before.

Hearing those encouragers on race day reminded me of the encouragers in my life who urge me on in my Christian walk. They cheer me on just because I’m going in the right direction, and I’m running my race for the Lord.      

 Today I’m thanking God for those encouragers. This past weekend I spent time with one of my sisters in the Lord—Nancy–who is like that. I came away from time at her home feeling refreshed and revitalized–eager to continue to run the race the Lord has set before me.  

 How about you? Do you have encouragers in your life who cheer you on in your walk with the Lord. Thank them for all they do, and thank the Lord for putting them in strategic places along the course of the race that He’s mapped out for you.  

To hear more about the subject of “Encouragers” listen to my radio show, “Hearts Set Free with Elaine” on Saturday, April 20, 2013 at 8:00am. Listen on the radio at WTIS 1110 AM or go to www.wtis1110.com and press “Listen Live.” Or go to the archives to listen to that show and others.

Measure Your Life

A title interrupted my thoughts this week. I dug around in my office to find that book written by Wesley L. Duewel. It wasn’t a bestseller. Most people I tell about the book never heard of it or the author.  

Yet that book—Measure Your Life—has helped transform my thinking.

The subtitle is “17 Ways To Evaluate Your Life from God’s Perspective.”

The Lord brings that title to mind when I fall back into evaluating my life from a perspective other than His or when I get upset that people are measuring me against a standard other than the Lord’s. Trouble comes when I start trying to live up to their standards.

Here are ways I’ve measured my life which have nothing to do with God’s perspective: how much I weigh, how good I look or feel, how many great purchases I’ve made lately, how much I know, how many people like me, how much I’ve accomplished in a day, how much money I make, how well my children are behaving. And the list goes on.  Although God has freed me from holding tightly to these, I can still slip back into believing they are essentials of life.

As I looked through the 17 ways to evaluate my life once again this past week, the one that stood out to me was “Measure Your Life by Obedience.”   

When it comes to eating right, I am consumed with the desire to obey the Lord only for moments at a time. I’m much more concerned with wanting to look good, feel good and on my more sensible days—to be healthy.  I care about what I weigh but not that much about whether I obey when it comes to food.  

When I think of my writing and obedience, I remember I have at the top of the page where I list the manuscripts I have in the mail: “Success = obedience.” God led me to put that there when I formerly  measured my success as a writer by how much money I made. Too often I’ve told myself I must be a failure because my earnings as a writer are meager. But God assures me that obedience is most important to Him.

When I obey and write low-paying or no-pay personal experience stories that feel like slicing open my soul in order to help others, I know God is pleased. When I obey and write a blog about my weaknesses and how God intervened with His strength, I can hear Him whisper, “Well done.”  

Other ways God calls me to obey are: forgiving those who are cruel, giving when I’d rather take, showing compassion to those who care nothing about me.      

Today I’m asking God to show me where I’m failing to obey.  I want to measure up—to grow taller in my faith. I can see in my mind God putting a mark on some invisible wall like a parent does for a child who is growing taller and taller. Oh, how I long to hear God say in areas of my life where I struggle, “My, how you’ve grown in your obedience.”  

One of the promises in Scripture that I love has to do with obedience. It’s from Psalm 6:40 in the Amplified Bible. It says,

You have given me the capacity to hear and obey.

God calls me to obey, but He also helps me to do it. And even when I fail, He doesn’t give up on me. What a great God we serve.

How about you? How are you measuring your life this week? By some worldly standard or in light of God’s Word? Ask God to let you see your life from His perspective and then live it that way. This will lead to increased joy and peace.

To hear more about Measure Your Life listen to Hearts Set Free with Elaine on Saturday, April 13, 2013 at 8:00am EST. Tune in on the radio at WTIS 1110 AM or listen online by going to www.wtis1110.com and press “Listen Live.” You can also listen from the archives.