A part of me wants to run away from God.
He could have prevented this. My Lord could have answered my loved one’s prayers for relief from back pain. Certainly He has power to have saved his life—to intervene in those final desperate moments and to shine His light into darkness. He could have caused a different outcome—one where instead of taking his own life, my loved one said, “Here God, I give you my life; help me to live it.”
I still don’t understand how such a tragic event could have taken place. But one thing I know. I have to keep trusting God. That’s the only way I can make it through this valley of grief.
As I’ve determined to cling to God, He brings words of comfort. He has reminded me that in the scope of eternity this sorrow is “a light, momentary affliction,” (See 2 Corinthians 4:17) even though it doesn’t seem so.
He has encouraged me when I’ve agonized that I didn’t do enough and could have saved this precious life:
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus Romans 8:1 NIV.
He has brought songs to mind and repeated an instruction He gave me years ago when I was mourning other griefs: “Sing away sorrow.” One song from “back then” is “Be still, my soul” written by Catharina von Schlegel in 1752.
Years back when it seemed life was too hard, too painful, I sang that song over and over after hearing it on a Ginny Owens CD.
Recently I looked up the words.
“Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side/Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain./Leave to thy God to order and provide/In every change He faithful will remain./Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly Friend/Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end…
Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart/And all is darkened in the vale of tears;/Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,/Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears./Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay/From His own fullness all He takes away…”
Other words the Lord has brought are: “What Satan meant for evil, I will work for good” (See Genesis 50:20). As I trust a God who sees all and knows all, I’m growing in the confidence that He will bring triumph from this tragedy.
Do you believe that about your own hard place?