Once again I’m posting my Monthly Marriage Miracle Story. This story is true, but the names have been changed.
Wives who are married to angry husbands have a big challenge. When a husband lashes out angrily, it can lead to deep hurts, resentment, and angry or passive/aggressive retaliation from the wife. Many times a wife can feel justified in lashing back because of the cruel words of her husband.
But God has a different way. Linda learned to continue to love her husband–even though he was such an angry man–when at times she felt like walking away. Over time God has rewarded her for remaining loving and for repenting when she reacts in an ungodly way. If we run to God in the midst of a husband’s angry tirade, God draws us closer to Him, and we can sense His love–even when we don’t feel loved by our husband because of his anger.
Linda, like me, felt angry because of her husband’s angry attitude toward her. She described him this way: “a Marine for twenty years and very controlling; he criticizes me a lot and rarely says a kind word.” Although her husband, Frank, proclaims to be a Christian, she said, “He was saved when I met him, but he has stayed a baby Christian.” She told me he often says to her, “you and your morality.”
When I first spent time with Linda, she erupted with negative comments about her husband because the anger over his unkindness had built up. Linda said, “This is what my mind tells me: you’re not loved; you’re not appreciated.”
When I talked to Linda about what God taught her in regard to her husband’s anger and how He helped her to be a gentle wife, she quickly came up with these insights from the Lord:
–“Be strong. Do what you know to do. Don’t give up. I am with you. Don’t fear.
–“You are not responsible for the choices Frank or anyone makes. You are to walk your walk. Do you trust Me, child? It’s easy to see another’s fault and not your own. You are not to judge. Jesus taught love, grace, and mercy. Lay down your rights to be offended, to judge, to condemn, to make your own decisions.”
–“The Word says, ‘Take up your cross and follow me.’ The cross = Jesus = lay down your life.
–“The hardest part is unconditional love.”
Linda shared with me that when Frank starts ranting angrily, instead of reacting negatively, she sometimes sings, “Jesus loves me; this I know…” which reminds her how much Jesus loves her when at the moment her husband is not acting in a loving way.
Linda said her negative attitude often became the problem. She realized “self-righteousness is still ‘self.’” This came about when she compared herself to her husband. “The Lord says, ‘Don’t do it.’”
One day Linda came home late from an outing and Frank expressed his anger—loudly. As she lay on her bed and felt her own anger, the Lord whispered to her that, although her husband’s delivery proved not the best, she failed to call and communicate she would be late. She apologized to her husband for that.
Not long ago Linda came to me and said joyfully, “Frank complimented me. He said, ‘We have a beautiful home here, and I have a pretty wife, and she still wants to keep me.’”
Linda also said that Frank quit drinking—something he had done for a long time, which helped with the anger and other issues.
God continues to set Linda free from bitterness about her husband’s anger. Soon I’ll be launching my Hearts Set Free podcast, where I will tell you more about how to be set free from anything that is keeping you bound, so You can love like the Lord and become all He created you to be. I will speak about issues connected to marriage and every relationship in our lives, including our relationship with God.
My first podcasts will center on grief since dealing with grief and loss often gets us stuck in various aspects of bondage. If you send me your email address, I will send you a free list titled, “Ten Keys To Being Set Free.” My email is firstname.lastname@example.org. I look forward to helping you even more on your journey of being set free.